dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
