Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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