i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
