on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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