If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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