i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
