I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
