i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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