NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
