That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
