I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
