The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
