She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
