piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
