Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
