Your face is a jimmy john
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is Oprah even human
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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