I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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