I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
