Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
