one two three fourrrrnication!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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