why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
