I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
