Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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