She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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