Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
