I am puke
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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