and she was petting her beer can
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
