I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
