I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
