Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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