Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
