I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
