how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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