Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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