We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
