the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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