On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
