Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
