you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
