It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
