Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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