don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
