Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
