Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
