the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
