dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
