Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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