Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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