alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
