He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
