Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
