i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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