Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
