im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
