Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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