you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
