is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
