My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
