if you like me you must not know who I am
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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