i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
