she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
