Kiss
Puke
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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